i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
