We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
