"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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