I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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