The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
