it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
