Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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