I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
