i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
