based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
