I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
