planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
