I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
