This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
