what day is it and did you see me today?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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