...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
