I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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