Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
