he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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