My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
