One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
