i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
