I can text with my tongue
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
