So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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