sorry about calling you the devil all night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
