This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
