Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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