Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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