There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
