Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
