She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
