Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i out mim tonsoeep
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