does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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