i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
