it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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