Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
