I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
