he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
