We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
