The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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