If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
