You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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