And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
