You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
