I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
