mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
