Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
