I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
