Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
