I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
